Who did Billy Mays play for?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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