Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
