i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
