I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
