a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
