I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
