Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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