You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
