well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
