did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
