I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You ruined the universe
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
