In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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