remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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