she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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