Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
