he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This baby is an asshole
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Randomize
