spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
