Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
