I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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