he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
