turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
