wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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