Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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