I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
