All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
soo... how was my night?
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