my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
