my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
