at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
