just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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