I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
