Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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