Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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