I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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