Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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