There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
