I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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