you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
