oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
