I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
