You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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