you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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