I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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