my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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