So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there was a trapeze. enough said
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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