It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
