I'm sorry my penis didn't work
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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