The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
