I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
