Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i drank out of a bidet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You are a genius and a whore.
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