His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
