Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
