Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize