i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
