It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
