we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
