I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
