dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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