and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
