as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
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chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
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