Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
