I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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