My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize