I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
