Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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