come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
