pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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