Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
