I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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