Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
