Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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