Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
