I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
