Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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