I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
